As I arrived a Low Moor bowling club, on 21st May 2008, I opened my car boot, and began to polish my 'Woods' with Grippo. My phone rang and it was Helen, my Sister, in a very excited mood. She informed me that she had taken a test, and that she was expecting a baby. I knew that this would come as a great relief to her, as they had been trying for over a year, and after settling down for a career as a High School Science Teacher, this was her next big goal.
My instructions were clear, although I was to be very excited about the whole thing, she had only shared this information with Me, being her Brother, Susan, soon to be Grandma, and Rodney, soon to be Dad. Any further spreading of the information was to be done solely by Herself, or Rodney. Which I suppose is fair enough.
In time friends got to know the fantastic news, who also became very excited. Talk of Babies was common place, and a rather overexcited Susan would be around Helen at every opportunity.
Christmas approached and the 'Bump' grew proportionately. Bigger and bigger. It's quite bizarre, actually, how the skin stretches (oh and Ladies? Bio Oil is apparently the way to stop getting stretch marks, so i hear).
And now it's February! The baby is 'Due' in 10 days. I'm NOW getting a little excited, because finally we're going to get to see 'It' (until the birth we don't know what sex the baby is, Helen wants it to be a surprise).
It's like opening a present you've been waiting for for Nine months. And one that will last you the rest of your life. You don't get bored of it!!!
Now, the whole problem with opening this present is the birth! I've seen 'Knocked Up', and quite frankly I could have done without seeing a shot of the Baby's head crowning. It just looks so painful. And not stretchy at all!
I don't have any children, and because of that I feel quite proud that I haven't inflicted such pain on anyone. I know it's meant to be a 'Beautiful Thing', but quite frankly, I'm gonna have to prepare myself for it! At least 5 or 10 years of prep may be required. But perhaps by then, I'll feel comfortable enough to say, "I don't want to be there for the birth!"
So... on or after (or before) the 19th February 2009 I will be come 'Uncle Richard', to a beautiful baby Niece or Nephew (as long as it gets it's looks from Helen). I can't wait and it can't come quickly enough. I can see me spoiling him/her rotten. It's the least I can do, 'cause I won't be changing any nappies!!!